last night was nightbeat. i went with megan. my friends were there too. When i sat down, i started thinking about nick and how we always hoped to one day march drum corps together. And how it’s been so long since he moved away and how i’m about to be a senior in high school and how i hadn’t spoken to or seen mr. scotty in so long. and i looked around me and he was sitting a row down from me. And it was so sad because here was thisperson who showed me my passion, even though he didn’t conciously do so. This person who i saw as a teacher admired and looked up to his talents and spent so much time with and had so many experiences with. he was just a few feet away from me, yet we hadn’t spoke in years, andi don’t think nick is in contact with him any longer. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t say anything. I don’t know if i regret it or not. What do you say? I’ve missed you? things won’t be like they were ever again. Nick will never be the same. He’s wrapped up in what i don’t even know. I’m sitting here nowlistening to moving mountains and it’s so fucking weird because at one point in my lifethis song meant so much to me but hell even when i tried to look up Ode we will bury ourselves, i couldn’teven remember the name of it. This was the song that me and nick loved so much and it’s just so funny but fucked up how things change as you grow up and i don’t want to fucking grow up. I want to be in fucking 7th grade again and skateboarding and playing electric drums at 3 in the morning and notgiving a fuck and just enjoying myself and i still haven’t had a friend like nick since he moved away like fucking 3 years ago. and i guess that fucks with me alot. i last saw nick 3 weeks ago and shit was just weird because the whole situation was whack but it was good to spend time with him.
growing up fucking sucks and growing away from people sucks too and i guess i don’t really know where my life is headed. Megan goes away to school in two weeks.
freebird by lynyrd skynyrd is a sad song god damnit
i must be traveling on now
k i a 9 9 GP
it would.mean theworldif you justhad faith in me
do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been