you say why can’t you read my mind and i used to try but was always wrong so now i don’t and i’m still wrong and as soon as i’m enjoying talking to you you leave and if i wanted to do something that didn’t involve you and you were wanting to talk you’d be mad at me and miserable and i don’t know that just really bothers me that you said okay bye i’m going to do this now and it’s not like it matters anyways and my fucking eyes hurt fuck man
but i think i knew, yeah i thought i knew
so sick and fucking tired of feeling left behind in everything i do
why can’t i have what my friends have. i want a car so desperately. i deserve one. i’m constantly busy. i want one so bad. i want to not feel so young anymore. all i ever hear is to not wish away your youth but i’m ready i’ve been ready and i’m so sick of financial limitations in my life because they’re always present
there’s something about the way it feels to realize all over again that the girl you love is the most perfect, beautiful, sweet person you’ll ever meet, and the thought of being with her is the most warming and fulfilling thing imaginable
White privilege is your history being taught as a core class and mine being taught as an elective.
please let them know.
white privilege is your history being taught as a core class, and mine being banned because it would promote "the overthrow of the U.S. government, foster racial resentment, and advocate ethnic solidarity.
This makes zero sense. White privilege is having a class about our country be a core class? Why wouldn’t a core class be about the fucking country you’re in?
i was looking through the activity long on my facebook where i can see all the things i’ve done, and i was looking back in 2011, and during that marching season, I made a status update that said. “I’m in line with the moon.” and then a couple weeks later i made another that said “terrible show. i wasn’t in line with the moon.” and i couldn’t figure out what i was talking about but after i thought about it for a while i remembered that on our practice field, when it got late in the afternoon and the sun would start to go down, you could see the moon in the sky, and if i remember it right, the spot on the field that i would open the show with, was always directly in line with the moon when it came out. And i remember that was my hype and motivation during the season, as somehow i was always lined up with the moon during rehearsals.
Marching a drum was the best thing that ever happened to me.
i guess after all this time i really do need to make a decision. I always pressured myself to never have to make a decision, and to just work as hard as i can. But i’m sick of that. I’m sick of everything in my life being divided. How i can never seem to make up my mind over who i am and who i want to be, and who i’m friends with or who i’m supposed to be friends with. Did i decide to play baseball this year for megan? Probably.I want to impress her and show her how athletic i am and good at baseball i am. And i know i’m good at baseball. I know i am. Sure i love the game and i love feeling the sun on my neck and being surrounded by grass and i love the sound the ball makes when it comes into contact with a wood bat or a leather glove and i love wearing a jersey and i love running and diving and throwing but i don’t know if i love it enough to keep pushing myself to the limit. Things got so shitty last season and i was having fun but i never seemed to get the things i deserved and maybe that’s just the way it was supposed to work for me. and i guess i can live with that. I think baseball became a coping mechanism with my problem of trying to prove myself to people. I don’t fucking have anything to prove and i don’t care about it anymore. Maybe my girlfriend will resent me for that. And maybe that’ll make her upset. But dear god i’m done doing things for people that aren’t me. If she loves me she won’t care. Maybe my mom and dad will resent me for it and it’ll make them mad but i don’t care. I’m ready to do things for me. Playing baseball makes me very happy. But being a perfectionist in a sport you can’t fully commit to is so hard.
Why is this such a big deal? It’s a fucking high school baseball team.
I don’t know anything.